The Depression Diary: The Diagnosis

‘So how does it work, being diagnosed with depression?

It took me quite some time (half a year) to acknowledge that there was something going on. And then it took me quite some time to do something about it: see a doctor. When I finally made an appointment and expressed my feelings to my doctor, she immediately recommended we find a therapist to get help. Apparently, it was pretty bad.

Of course my parents were concerned why I had to see my doctor, so eventually I had some explaining to do. But it is difficult. It’s not like you can come home and when people ask you ‘So, what did the doctor say?’ you answer with: ‘Oh it went well, turns out I’m having a medical depression’. Well, truth be told I did say it like that. But people don’t know how to react, they just freeze or become really awkward about it. Except for my friends, they were more like ‘Holy shit that is f*cked up, let’s get you some ice-cream and let the road to recovery begin!’.

So after that, I went home, sat down and started searching for a therapist. Which is pretty hard because how do you know they will be the perfect fit? I just went with my gut and chose a female therapist not far from my home town and scheduled an appointment. Within two weeks I found myself heading towards another panic attack while I was in the waiting room at the therapist’s office.

After months of living like some kind of Iron Man by burying my emotions, I had to open up again. Yuck.

The first interview wasn’t so bad at all. The therapist seemed like a warm and caring person. We first had some small talk and eventually got to the point why I was there. She wanted to see what my days looked like, the kind of stuff that I did on a daily basis. She sent me home with some homework to determine the gravity of the situation. So I went home, did my homework like a geek schoolgirl and graded my days to measure my moods day by day.

Two weeks later, back at the ‘shrink’, I received my results. Surprise! I turned out to be severely depressed. We agreed to schedule an appointment every two weeks, to talk some more about my feelings, and why I think the whole world sucks.*Sigh*, this is going to take a while.’


Love, Zoë


“I need solitude to empty my mind of people, then I need people to empty my mind of me.” – VàZaki Nada




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